Today I thought that I would change things up a bit, and since y’all seem to think that it’s somewhat interesting to hear more about the whole longdistance relationship thing, today’s post is gonna be a guest post from a very special person in my life – of course my French boyfriend, Olivier:
Hey guys! It has now been about 2 years and a half that I’ve been in a Long Distance Relationship with Cammi. We will finally see the end of the tunnel by this summer!! It’s not always easy being in a LDR but it does has some perks.
To be franc, I feel awkward about writing about this because I still don’t know why it works so well and why Cammi stays with me (I’m guessing it’s for the French food 😛 )… Since I often hear that long distance relationships never work out, I thought that I would give you 8 tips from a guy’s perspective on how to handle this rough passage in life and hopefully make your own long distance relationship survive:
1. It sucks
Long Distance Relationships sucks one way or another. In my case, Cammi and I only see each other about 3-4 times a year and no more than 2 weeks each time… Trust me, this is quite frustrating… You’re seriously thinking: “Fuck it all! I am taking the first flight to Denmark!” But right after you calm down, and just realize that you don’t grow money on your backyard and accept your own fate…
Though, once you get that into your brain and accept things as they are, it makes these times of waiting / longing / frustration quite easier to handle.
According to me, that’s really key! Trusting one another’s actions while you’re apart and while you’re together. It’s easier said than done (duh) but I think that when you really love someone, you let them be whoever they want to be and you give this person the freedom to do whatever she pleases.
And you always trust that if this person loves you too, the person will do her utmost not to hurt you by his/her actions.
In any case: Jealousy in these kinds of relationships (and all others for that matter) is pointless. The only thing it could do is to weaken the foundation of your relationship and obviously create frustration/stress.
3. Stay busy
Working longer hours, watching a movie, going out with friends, playing video games, or whatever else; No matter what, it will help to make time go past, to get your head of the constant longing and also help to get a step back on your relationship.
4. Pursue your own dreams
When we decided to get into an LDR with Cammi, one thing was clear: We’d both pursue our own dreams and ambitions. It was important for us never to compromise or give up on this because of the other person. This is obvious but it’d have been easy for one of us to just quit school or work and come live with the other one but we both knew that our relationship would suffer from it and that one of us might regret this decision in the end.
5. Show emotions, but with moderation
Emotions is a tough subject. I’d like to say that I’ve never cried while seeing Cammi leave or while leaving her, but I’d be lying. I think it’s good to share your emotions and feelings with the other person, to let them know you care about him/her.
Although, while saying this, I feel that it’s important that at least one person in the relationship stays strong for the other one and avoid sharing doubts or negative feelings while apart especially.
Your time together is short and usually both parties always want to make the most of it not to ruin the moment. However, the time apart is much longer. Both persons know how much it sucks, no need to remind each other, you’re better off making each other feel better.
6. Stay attractive
You both may change, physically and mentally, during the LDR’s length. In my opinion, it’s important to stay attractive to one another in order to keep the “sparkle” alive!
My trick: imagine yourself as a product that needs to attract its customer over time. Your customer only come to your store few times a year and during those visits, you want to catch her/his eyes, you want to be the product she/he forever desires and thinks about even after its visit into your store.
7. Plan things together
Oh, I almost forgot: LDR works much better when you include an end! Planning this is the first step.
Then, you both want to make the most of your time together until you reach this final destination. We like to plan trips, activities, restaurants, future houses / castles /dogs together. Some of these plans may fail but that’s not the point! The point is to picture each other doing things together and to have always something to looks forward to.
8. The book mentality
In some ways, a long distance relationship is like a book. When you start a very good book, you get a glance, you start reading it and love it already. Of course you’d like to read it all at once. But sometimes it’s just too long. So you got to postpone your reading, go on with your life and then re-open the book where you stopped with this passion coming back exactly as if you had never left.
I feel like this every time I see Cammi: I’m going back where I left off for a new chapter. It helped me a lot to have this mentality. And like a book, even if it doesn’t work in the end, it’ll be a really beautiful book to have on our shelf. One we will always cherish, one we will keep only for ourselves, one we will never forget in the basement…